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Sarah Jessica Parker recently revealed her 5-year-old son James' pick for president. "He's really, truly into this election...he's come to this conclusion on his own based specifically on Barack's gender. It's that deep." This made us think...who do our kids support for the race in '08?
Q: My daughter wants to dress too provocatively. What do I do?
A: She walks out of her bedroom on the first day of sixth grade sporting a micro-mini and a low-cut tee. Your husband's response? "Dang that freakin' Paris Britney Lohan! She's such a bad influence!"
The pediatrician says:
"This is an easy one: Say no. It is not appropriate for tweens to act like teens. Your daughter is just asking for trouble. As parents, we own the purse strings and have to set a good example."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
What to do
Dr. O'Keeffe suggests the following:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Tell your daughter that showing a little skin is attractive, but if she shows one area, she should cover up the rest," says Pam, Mom of three. "She may as well learn now that overkill in this area doesn't attract the right kind of boys."
Other Moms say:
Q: My fifth-grade daughter wants a bra, but I think she's too young. Should I get her one?
A: Hmm...do they even make 27AAAAAAA bras?
The pediatrician says:
"Yes, you should get your daughter a bra. Many kids this age wear 'training bras,' and if your daughter feels she's ready, then she's ready. Your daughter is expressing her femininity; as long as the rest of her wardrobe is age-appropriate, it's fine. It will help her fit in with her peer group. As parents, we need to go with the flow when it comes to some of these puberty rites-of-passage."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Yes, get your daughter a bra," says Pam, Mom of three. "There are some good ones out there for AA girls, so you might as well let her jump in on the lingerie thing. (Most of her friends probably have.) Choose your battles: This one's a non-issue. She's just wanting to explore her femininity. It's coming, and there's no denying it!"
Other Moms say:
Q: What's up with my tween's mood swings?
A: Welcome to the Wonderful World of Hormones! You're going to love it here, lol.
The therapist says:
"What's up? I'll tell you: Hormones, relationships, school pressures, body changes, confusion--you name it. There isn't much about a tween's life that doesn't contribute to moodiness. Your tween is changing in ways she's never experienced before, and having feelings that are unfamiliar. Her body's changing, her friends are changing, her world changing...and all of this change is frankly alarming. She's no longer a little girl but not quite a teenager, so who is she? That's what she's trying to figure out. She's navigating in unknown waters and not feeling sure about anything. This is a really hard time for kids, because they're building new identities--whether they want to or not. They begin to strive for independence at the very time they need support. They can feel crowded by you and alone at the same time."
--Rosanne Tobey, LPC, is a New Jersey-based therapist who specializes in individual, couples and family therapy.
Coping with your tween's mood swings
Rosanne Tobey has the following advice:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My father has a good saying," says Pam, Mom of three. "It's this: 'When kids hit adolescence, they descend down a long, dark tunnel. Make sure you don't go down that tunnel after them.' In other words, you're the adult. Keep a level head and don't let your child's mood swings trigger your own leftover adolescent feelings. If they do, seek therapy."
Other Moms say:
My tween borrows my clothes and wrecks them. How do I deal?
A: Man--either your child must be playing dress-up, or you're really tiny. Lucky!
The parenting expert says:
"This is never the only problem--it's a symptom that your child is either generally uncooperative and disrespectful or, worse, is so angry at you that she's bent on revenge and is deliberately wrecking your stuff. (When kids do things like this, it's usually not because they don't know or don't care. Even a 5-year-old knows how not to wreck clothes!) The most efficient and least exhausting way to handle it is to focus on motivation and prevention rather than correction. If you focus on correction, there will be way too much misbehavior to correct! Besides, if consequences were that effective, our prisons would be empty."
--Noel Janis-Norton, founder and director of The New Learning Centre in London, is a learning and behavior specialist with over 30 years' experience in Britain and the United States.
To motivate your child to behave well
Janis-Norton has the following tips:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Don't let her borrow your clothes. Be the parent and tell her no," says Krista, Mom of two. "This is what irritates me the most with parents: They act like they can't tell their kids no. No wonder our youth are so messed up! They need guidelines, and it's our job to make them. We have the right!"
Other Moms say:
I think my tween is masturbating. Is that normal?
A: You thought nothing would be more embarrassing than the time you caught your parents doing it. You thought wrong.
The pediatrician says:
"Yes, this is very normal exploratory behavior for kids aged 9 to 12. Hormones are budding; sexuality is stirring. You don't need to do a thing unless it becomes public or your child comes to you with questions."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
Dr. O'Keeffe recommends the following:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"It's only a problem if your tween is doing it in public places," says Julie, Mom of two.
Other Moms say:
Q: I'm worried my daughter has an eating disorder. What are the warning signs?
A: Today's celebs are really putting the old adage "You can never be too rich or too thin" to the test. It's all giving young girls a really unhealthy message: "Pretty" means "extremely skinny." If your tween is showing signs that she's fallen prey to that kind of warped thinking, take action now. Her body image--and good health--are in your hands!
The dietician says:
"If you notice any of the following signs, talk to your pediatrician. He or she will advise you how to go on from there."
--Debi Silber, RD, Whole Health Coach and author of "The Lifestyle Fitness Program: A Six Part Plan So EVERY Mom Can Look, Feel and Live Her Best"
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"It's gross, but that's one of the easiest ways to tell," says Pam, Mom of three. "If she has an eating disorder, you'll see stains or chunks of vomit in the toilet. Check under the seat, under the rim, and around the bowl--all the places she might miss when cleaning up after herself."
Other Moms say:
Q: My son is getting acne. Help!
A: Remember how pimply-faced boys repelled you when you were a tween? Now the shoe's kind of on the other foot.
The pediatrician says:
"It's very common for acne to develop in kids this age. Most of the time it can be handled by over-the-counter acne medications and soap. I like to have tweens start by using Neutrogena soap twice daily and Clearasil pads one to two times a day. If that strategy doesn't help, call your pediatrician to discuss other options. One word to the wise: Having acne will be very stressful for your tween. Even a small zit will look huge to him! He'll need a great deal of support to get through this, and teaching him how to take care of his skin is just one piece of the puzzle."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
Recommended Site:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My son had severe acne and we put him on Accutane," says Linda, Mom of four. "It was the best decision I ever made. I know it's controversial, but it gave him his life back. He was so self-conscious before--and he was always getting teased. Now that his face has cleared up, he's confident and secure. I think it's a miracle drug!"
Other Moms say:
Q: How much sleep should my tween get?
A: Hint: If she falls asleep in school, she's not getting enough.
The sleep expert says:
"Tweens need approximately 10 hours of sleep at night. If a tween (or any child) goes to sleep too late, their body becomes overtired and starts producing the stress hormone cortisol. That makes the child feel wired (like he or she just drank a pot of coffee), so falling asleep will be much more difficult. Teach your tween the importance of a good night's sleep. He or she may resist an early bedtime at first (especially if friends are allowed to stay up late), but if you explain the negative ramifications of sleep deprivation, you might convince your child to get to bed at a decent hour."
--Jill Spivack, MSW, is a psychotherapist and co-founder of Sleepy Planet, where she provides pediatric sleep consultations, leads general parenting groups for first and second time mothers
Signs your tween is sleep-deprived
Jill Spivack says the following clues are a dead giveaway:
Helping your child wind down at night
Spivack recommends the following tricks:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My tween goes to bed around 9, but stays up for another hour or so reading," says Mary, Mom of three. "She really enjoys that, but sometimes she's up until 10:30 and then has to get up at 6:30 for band practice. I just try to stay on top of it."
Other Moms say:
Q: My tween wants to be a vegetarian. Is this a good idea?
A: Fact: Fish are animals, so vegetarians can't eat them. Inform your tween that henceforth, fish sticks, lobster tails, shrimp cocktail, and crab cakes will be out. Ditto McDonald's Filet-O-Fish sandwiches.
A dietician says:
"It depends on what her reason is. Find out--and make sure it's a good one. (Kids between the ages of 9 and 12 often switch to a vegetarian diet as a means to lose weight.) Make sure she knows that a healthy vegetarian diet must be flexible, balanced, and include enough protein, fat, vitamins, and minerals. She can use foods such as tofu, eggs, nuts, beans, peanut butter, milk, yogurt, and cheese as protein sources, but you'll need to plan her diet carefully to make sure she gets adequate amounts of the other nutrients."
--Debi Silber, RD, Whole Health Coach and the author of "The Lifestyle Fitness Program: A Six Part Plan So EVERY Mom Can Look, Feel and Live Her Best"
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My 12-year-old decided to become a vegetarian, so we talked to her pediatrician," explains Sandy, Mom of four. "She said it's fine as long as I monitored my daughter's diet to make sure she got enough iron and protein. I've started cooking tofu, too!"
Other Moms say:
Q: How can I keep my tween safe online?
A: If you've seen To Catch a Predator, you know exactly how dangerous cyberspace can be for kids. (Shudder.)
The safety expert says:
"The risks our children take online are very real. The Internet can be a media story waiting to happen for many tweens and teens. Don't think it can't happen to your kids! Unfortunately, they are going to go into chat rooms, MySpace, and Facebook without your knowledge. (Even though they're supposed to be 14 in order to go on MySpace, they'll still find ways to get onto the site.) While you don't want to spy on your kids, you do need to make sure they're safe."
--Ross Ellis, founder and Chief Executive Officer of Love Our Children USA
Protecting your child
Ross Ellis recommends the following:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
Says Krista, Mom of two, "Use your parental controls, set guidelines, set time limits, watch over her shoulder! If she doesn't like it, no computer!"
Other Moms say:
Health & Safety
Q: How do I talk to my teen about sex?
A: There's more to talking about sex than the birds and the bees. When your teen comes asking, be prepared for a frank chat.
The expert says:
"Use popular media as a jumping-off point--if you see your son watching shows or movies that contain innuendo or jokes about sex, make observations about what the characters are saying or doing and use the opportunity to ask your teen questions like 'Are other kids in your grade talking about this kind of thing? What are they saying?'"
--Sabrina Weill, editor-in-chief of Mom•Logic and the author of "The Real Truth about Teens and Sex" as well as "The Seventeen Guide to Sex and Your Body."
Convey Your Values
Be specific in what your hopes are for your teen, whether you want her to wait to have sex until she is older, or married, or in a committed relationship: be clear and let her know why you feel this way. You are the number one influence on your teen's sexual decisions--more than her friends or the media. Use your power!
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Ask lots of questions and get the conversation to be two-way. Avoid giving a speech!" says Tanya, Mom of two.
Other Moms say:
Q: How do I keep my teen safe on the Internet?
A: Kids today are growing up in a whole new world... online. Don't be a foreigner in their cyber universe.
The safety expert says:
"Protecting kids online is a parenting issue, not a technology one. As a parent, you need to instill rules, guidelines and support when it comes to your teen's Internet usage. Any breaking of those rules should warrant consequences. Predators are not the only danger online. With the click of a mouse, your teen can access sites that promote violence, hate, pornography, and eating disorders. Your teen needs to understand that the Internet is a place she can go to hang out, but when she needs guidance, she should still turn to you."
--Samantha Wilson, Founder and President of Kidproof Canada/USA. A former police officer, she is an internationally recognized expert in child and family safety.
Protecting Your Child:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"I set limits. I read my teen's email and text messages. I look at her browsing history. I have all her passwords. Some people might say I'm a spy or an intrusive parent, but I just think I'm a good Mom," says Sarah, Mom of one.
Other Moms say:
Q: My daughter has cuts on her arms but refuses to talk about it. I think she is cutting herself. What should I do?
A: Cutting is a distress call. Don't let it go unnoticed.
The pediatrician says:
"Cutting is a very serious problem and indicates deep emotional pain in a child, usually a teen or tween. Most times the cutting has been going on for a very long time before a friend alerts a parent to it or a parent discovers it by accident. Cutting needs immediate attention - not only to care for the cuts, but to make sure the kids are emotionally safe and not about to inflict more serious self-harm. In other words, most kids who cut need an emergency evaluation to be sure they are not suicidal. If you discover your child is cutting, contact your pediatrician immediately to discuss whether an outpatient evaluation or emergency ER evaluation is needed."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
How you can help:
"A situation like this takes time to develop; it will not go away quickly and it will not go away on its own. Your daughter needs your help and professional help."
--Family counselor Rosanne Tobey, LPC, is a New Jersey-based therapist who specializes in individual, couples and family therapy.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My daughter started cutting when she was 14 after her Dad and I got divorced. I put her in counseling immediately as soon as I found out. It's very hard for a mother to admit and acknowledge that her daughter is cutting herself, but ignoring the signs could cost your kid her life," says Heidi, Mom of two.
Other Moms say:
Q: Should I get my teen the HPV vaccine? Is it safe?
A: When the HPV vaccine hit the market, it won a lot of attention... and raised a lot of questions, too.
The pediatrician says:
"Yes, vaccinate! It is very safe and has few side effects beyond the expected discomfort. Your tween daughter should get it when she's 11 or 12. In fact, I'm planning on giving the vaccine to both my girls."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
What Is the HPV Vaccine?
Gardasil is a vaccine that targets Human Papillomavirus or HPV. HPV, a sexually transmitted virus, is the major culprit in causing cervical cancer in women and can go undetected for years and contribute to other health problems such as infertility.
Who Should Get It:
The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends that girls get the HPV vaccine when they are 11 or 12 to protect them before they become sexually active. While talking about safe sex helps, teens can be very impulsive so education alone is not enough protection. Studies have also shown that the virus works best if girls have not already gotten one of the HPV subtypes associated with cervical cancer.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"I got my daughter the vaccine without question. If it could possibly save her life, why wouldn't I?" says Amanda, Mom of three.
Other Moms say:
Eating & Sleeping
Q: How much sleep should my teen be getting?
A: Teens who burn the midnight oil may pay the price in the morning. It's good to know how much sleep is enough.
The sleep expert says:
"Somewhere between 8 ¼ and 9 ½ hours of sleep a night is right. Many teens, especially teens involved in lots of extracurricular activities, sacrifice sleep for activities and stay up late into the night studying and talking to friends. Because teens (especially those in high school) need to get to school earlier than ever, it's even more important for them to get a good night's sleep. Approximately 20 percent of teenagers fall asleep in school, and many are at risk for lower grades, car accidents, stimulant abuse, and even depression due to sleep deprivation."
--Sleep expert Jill Spivack, MSW, is a psychotherapist and co-founder of Sleepy Planet, where she provides pediatric sleep consultations and leads general parenting groups for first and second time mothers
Helping the sleepless teen:
Try these steps to help your teen get some much-needed shut-eye.
For teens who sleep endlessly:
Too much of a good thing can be a sign of other problems.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My 15-year-old gets eight hours of sleep a night on school nights. But on weekends, she sleeps until noon! I guess her body needs the rest," says Micah, Mom of two.
Other Moms say:
Q: My teen eats so much junk food and is getting fat. I don't know how to bring it up without hurting her.
A: As women, moms know how touchy weight can be. That's what makes it especially hard to discuss it with our own daughters.
The pediatrician says:
"Rather than tell her she's fat, compare her body to fueling a car. Our bodies use food for fuel and our weight is a reflection of how our body utilizes the fuel. If we are overweight, it means we are not using the fuel correctly - we're not exercising enough and not eating the right types and amounts of food. Teens tend to be sensitive, so she may get upset, but you have to let her know you love her and that your only goal is to help her get healthy."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
Tips for how to help:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My daughter was getting chubby and eating fast food at school. I'm also overweight so we went on a diet together. So far, we've lost 25 pounds each. I just don't want her to struggle with her weight like I do," says Regina, Mom of three.
Other Moms say:
Behavior
Q: When should I let my son go on his first date?
A: It's hard to imagine that your little boy may by ready to start dating. But before he goes on that first date, you want to be sure he's ready.
The expert says:
"This varies widely from teen to teen--a lot of young people feel pressured to date before they are really ready and sometimes saying they can't go can be a relief to them."
--Sabrina Weill, editor-in-chief of Mom•Logic and the author of "The Real Truth about Teens and Sex" as well as "The Seventeen Guide to Sex and Your Body."
Tips for Talking to Your Son:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"I let my son go on his first date at 16. By then, I felt he was ready to make responsible decisions. But that doesn't mean I wasn't a nervous wreck, though!" says Ginni, Mom of one.
Other Moms say:
Q: I think my teen might be gay. What do I do?
A: People say a mother's intuition is strong. When it comes to knowing your child's sexuality, it may be stronger than you thought.
The expert says:
"A lot of parents -- especially Moms -- suspect their child is gay prior to knowing for sure. In general, it's a good idea not to directly ask your child if he is gay, but to let him shape the conversation. If you pry, you risk taking power away from the child. The only exception to this rule is if you suspect your child is in crisis (suicidal, inflicting injury upon himself, etc.)"
-- Gay teens expert Ritch Savin-Williams is chairman of Human Development at Cornell University and author of "The New Gay Teenager" (2005).
Tips to Help Him Come Out:
Often parents are the last people to know because parents are so important and children don't want to be rejected by them. So be patient. In time, if you are open and close to your child, he will tell you. There are, however, things you can do to let your child know that it is safe to open up.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"I knew my son was gay from the time he was 5. I've just encouraged him and supported him all along. He finally came out to me last year, at age 17. I hope that I've allowed him to grow up in a house where he knows I love him exactly how he is without judgment," says Olivia, Mom of three.
Other Moms say:
Q: My teen is constantly texting on her cell phone. How can I get her back to the real world?
A: You thought buying her that cell phone would make it easier for you to reach your daughter. Instead, it's turned her into a speed-typing, acronym expert.
The parenting expert says:
"Often parents assume that texting is getting in the way of communication. Usually the texting is the teen's solution to poor communication at home. It is much more rewarding for a teen to communicate with her friends who completely support and understand her than to communicate with her parents who nag all of the time. The way to get your daughter to put down her cell phone at home is to improve communication and cooperation with her."
-- Learning and behavior specialist Noel Janis-Norton is founder and director of The New Learning Centre in London, is a learning and behavior specialist with over 30 years' experience in Britain and the United States
Putting the Phone Down:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"OMG! I am going through this right now. I just don't allow texting at the dinner table, or after 7:00 pm. That way, I know we get family time and that my kids' studies won't suffer," says Kiley, Mom of two.
Other Moms say:
Q: My kid's an average student. How can I help him get into college?
A: Not every kid is Harvard bound, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a school out there that's right for yours.
The therapist says:
"Don't buy into college name-dropping. Yes there are some glamorous schools out there, but if a successful college education is what you really want for you son, you'll want to focus on what is right for your son, not what will impress the neighbors. The great thing about higher education in America is there is a college for everyone. And you'll find one for your son. Just remember that this can be a very intimidating time in a child's life. Now is the time for you to be there for him by showing that you believe in him, so that he can believe in himself."
--Family therapist Rosanne Tobey, LPC, is a New Jersey-based therapist who specializes in individual, couples and family therapy.
Tips to Finding the Right Match:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"We have a tutor. I help my son study for at least two hours a night. It's hard after working all day but I feel I owe it to my son to give him the best future I can," says Stacy, Mom of one.
Other Moms say:
Health & Safety
Q: The dentist wants to fill a cavity in my preschooler's mouth. I'm worried. Should I do it?
A: Many adults are terrified of the dentist themselves, so it's no wonder they want to protect their kids from the dreaded drill....
The doctor says:
"Cavities can be a serious problem in children and may lead to lifelong problems with their adult teeth. Filling cavities is sometimes preferred over removing diseased teeth. Parents who have concerns about any suggested medical or dental treatments or procedures for their little ones should make sure they discuss those concerns in detail with their doctor, dentist, or other healthcare provider before agreeing to go through with them. Sometimes getting a second opinion helps relieve concerns as well."
--Dr. Rachel Franklin, Mom of twins, Associate Professor of Family Medicine and author of "Expecting Twins, Triplets and More: a Doctor's Guide to a Healthy and Happy Multiple Pregnancy"
Mom•Logic Moms say
"My dentist wanted to fill a 'pinpoint cavity' in one of my son's baby teeth," says Linda, Mom of four. "But since it wasn't causing him pain and would probably fall out soon anyway, we decided just to leave it. I was really worried about the anesthesia, so I'm glad we didn't do it."
Other Moms say:
Q: Should my preschooler get a flu shot?
A: This year, for the first time, the Centers for Disease Control are recommending that all children age 6 months to 5 years get a flu shot. (In previous years, the age range was 2 to 5.) Why the change? Studies have shown that children under 2 are more likely to be hospitalized by flu--especially if they have asthma or other chronic health problems. (Babies under 6 months of age are too young to be vaccinated.) The best time to get your child vaccinated is October or November; kids getting the flu shot for the very first time will need two doses, so have your child get the first one in September. For more information, go to cdc.gov/flu/protect/children.htm.
The doctor says:
"Yes, your preschooler should get a flu shot. Small children are at higher risk of becoming seriously ill from the flu, and they're one of the groups that's most likely to spread this serious infectious disease to the elderly and infirm--who have the highest risk of dying from it. Soon it may not even be a question of choice: The Centers for Disease Control are considering making the annual flu vaccine a requirement for young children. As with certain other vaccines, they'll have to get it before they can attend day care or preschool."
--Dr. Rachel Franklin, Mom of twins, Associate Professor of Family Medicine and author of "Expecting Twins, Triplets and More: a Doctor's Guide to a Healthy and Happy Multiple Pregnancy"
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"I have given my kids a flu shot in preschool," says Julie, Mom of two. "It was recommended by the doctor, so I did it."
Other Moms say:
Eating & Sleeping
Q: How much sleep should my preschooler be getting?
A: It's one of the most difficult choices in life: Should you 1) Withhold naptime from a child who might need it, and risk having said child throw a tantrum in Wal-Mart at 5 p.m., or 2) Force naptime on a child who might not need it, and risk having said child be jumping on beds at midnight?
The sleep expert says:
"Your preschooler should continue to nap until he's unwilling to do so. The loss of the nap often starts with your child being unable to nap on certain days but not others. Follow your child's lead, allowing him to snooze when he needs to. If he doesn't nap on any particular day, you'll want to move his bedtime up so it's 30 to 60 minutes earlier than normal, as he'll be very tired. Once he gives up the nap completely, aim for a nice early bedtime--say, 7:00 p.m.--so he'll get enough sleep."
--Jill Spivack, MSW, is a psychotherapist and co-founder of Sleepy Planet, where she provides pediatric sleep consultations, leads general parenting groups for first and second time mothers.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Is your child impossible at dinnertime without a nap? That's a sign they're not ready to give it up," says Jackie, Mom of three. "But if daytime sleep means your child is up till all hours, you may want to tolerate a little tired behavior at the end of the day just to save your sanity at night. My son dropped naps right at his third birthday. My second son is trying to drop them now, and he's almost 2 ½. It depends on the kid."
Other Moms say:
Q: Does my preschooler still need a nap?
A: Most preschoolers would rather eat broccoli than admit they're sleepy. Not to worry: They have lots of other ways of letting you know when they're not getting enough rest.
The sleep expert says:
"Many children give up their naps around their third birthdays, but some continue to nap until they're four. Kids who nap one and a half to three hours during the day generally need 10 to 11 hours of sleep at night; those who don't nap will need 11 to 12 hours at night."
--Jill Spivack, MSW, is a psychotherapist and co-founder of Sleepy Planet, where she provides pediatric sleep consultations, leads general parenting groups for first and second time mothers.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My 4-year-old gets a two-hour nap every day and sleeps about 10 hours at night," says Diane, Mom of three. "I don't know if 12 hours is enough for this age, but she's happy most of the time. If she skips her nap or stays up past her bedtime, she's a nightmare!"
Behavior
Q: My preschooler plays too rough with his baby brother. How do I get him to stop?
A: Sad but true: Sibling rivalry starts young.
The parenting expert says:
"This can usually be attributed to jealousy. Parents tend to carry their babies around as a matter of course, and that kind of rubs the older child's face in it--it turns the baby into a wonderful object that the older child wants to get at all the more. As far as the preschooler's concerned, they've been booted out of the throne room and there's a new king or queen in town!"
--Noel Janis-Norton, learning and behavior specialist, mom of three, and creator of the Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting program.
Lessen your older child's jealousy
Noel Janis-Norton recommends the following:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Show your older child the right way to touch baby. I had my son practice on a doll," says Kathi, Mom of two. "It worked!"
Other Moms say:
Q: My preschooler won't poop in the potty anymore. What is happening and how can I stop it?
A: You ask your child why she won't poop in the potty, and she says, "I'm afraid." Afraid of what, you wonder--the Ty-D-Bowl man? Granted, he was kinda creepy....
The pediatrician says:
"During potty training, some kids become fearful of leaving behind a poop. This is very common, even if there were some early successes. For kids who were pooping well, lack of pooping may mean constipation, so the first step is to call your pediatrician and sort out whether this is a behavioral or medical problem. Once you figure that out, your pediatrician can guide you to the best treatment for your child. I've always felt that the term 'potty training' is a misnomer: It should be called 'potty guiding.' I suggest that you back off a bit: If left to their own devices, the majority of children will become fully potty-trained by the time they're 4."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
Dr. O'Keeffe's potty-guiding tips:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"As frustrating as it can be, don't freak out," says Jackie, Mom of 3. "My potty-trained preschooler regressed for a bit too--I think because his little brother got attention when his diaper was changed. I just kept reminding him that big boys poop in the potty."
Other Moms suggest:
Q: Other Moms in my preschooler's class encourage competition between the kids. I don't agree. How do I avoid that?
A: Think scary soccer-Mom syndrome only happens in high school? Think again.
The therapist says:
"Competition in life is inevitable, but a competitive environment is not ideal in a preschool. It's supposed to be a positive experience! Talk to the teacher and find out if she encourages competition in the classroom. If you don't like the answer you get, look for a new school for your child--one in which the philosophy is closer to your own, and where you'll be more liable to find like-minded parents."
--Rosanne Tobey, LPC, is a New Jersey-based therapist who specializes in individual, couples and family therapy.
If it isn't possible to enroll your child in a different school....
Rosanne Tobey suggests that you:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"When parents make dumb comments like, 'Sarah's doing so much better at her letters than Johnny is,' I always remind them that every child develops differently and that it's not a competition," says Tina, Mom of two. "I mean, c'mon, this is preschool, people! They'll have plenty of time to be competitive in high school. Let kids be kids!"
Other Moms say:
Education
Q: Should I start my daughter in kindergarten at age 4 or age 5?
A: It's a tough decision. The last thing you want is to have your child be held back later on!
The therapist says:
"Kindergarten is the first step in your child's formal educational career, and it's important that your child's experience is a positive and encouraging one. Therefore, you don't want to rush your child into something she's not ready for. If you do, you run the risk of putting her in a situation where she's struggling to keep up with the class--and that could undermine her self-confidence. If you question your child's readiness for kindergarten, talk to her pediatrician. Also, many schools screen children prior to accepting them into their kindergarten program. Ask these professionals for input, then go with your instinct. Do you feel your daughter's ready for kindergarten? There's a big difference developmentally between age 4 and age 5; if you or any of the people you consulted feel that she isn't ready, don't push it. Instead, enroll her in one of the many 4+ programs that are now available. A 4+ class will help her develop the necessary skills to succeed in kindergarten when she eventually does go."
--Rosanne Tobey, LPC, is a New Jersey-based therapist who specializes in individual, couples and family therapy.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Schedule a meeting with the principal or admissions director at the kindergarten you'd like to attend," suggests Jean, Mom of two. "Ask them what they expect of entering kids. Visit the class. What is the average age? How would your child fare in the classroom environment? Once you have all of the information, go with your gut--you know your child best."
Other Moms say:
Q: I'm not happy with my child's preschool--but my child is happy. Should I change schools?
A: The real question is: Should you trust a 3-year-old's judgment? We're talking about a person who thinks The Wiggles are amazingly talented....
The therapist says:
"It really depends on what you're unhappy about and how much time your daughter has left at her school. If she's unsafe or the school is in any way inappropriate, you should change immediately--even if she's obviously happy. However, if she's in her last year and she's safe and well cared for, then I would let her finish out the year without change. That said, if your daughter's at the beginning of her preschool career and you can find a school that both meets your expectations and provides for your daughter's needs, I would definitely suggest changing--even if it's just for one year. A school that you approve of and appreciate will positively impact your attitude, which in turn will enhance your daughter's experience. (She'll notice how much more supportive, upbeat, and involved you are.) The bottom line is, she could be happy anywhere. If you're happy as well, you'll both enjoy the preschool experience more."
--Rosanne Tobey, Licensed Professional Counselor
Mom•Logic Moms say
"If you're not happy with your child's school, there's probably a good reason for it," says Stefanie, Mom of three. "I'd trust your gut and change schools. Kids are highly adaptable; they could have fun at a factory for the day. My child still talks about an absolutely horrible preschool we visited about five times before I realized the place was filthy and they sat the kids in front of TV when the parents weren't around."
Other Moms say:
Q: Other kids in preschool are already reading--my kid's not. Should I push the issue?
A: Every mom wants her child to be "normal," so when other kids seem to be developing faster, it's hard not to fall into the comparison trap.
The therapist says:
"No. The main purpose of preschool is to help socialize children and prepare them for kindergarten. While it's true that some preschools have become more than that, your child is still successful if he can write his name and play well with others. Children generally don't learn to read until they're 6 or 7 years old. It's great that some of the kids in your son's preschool class are reading already, but there's nothing wrong with your son because he isn't. It doesn't mean he's behind. Reading is a developmental issue, so don't push him if he's not ready. If you do, you run the risk of pressuring him to learn tasks that he doesn't currently have the ability to perform--and therefore setting him up to fail. That could have a significant negative impact on his academic experience for years to come."
--Rosanne Tobey, LPC, is a New Jersey-based therapist who specializes in individual, couples and family therapy.
To gently encourage your child's interest in reading...
Rosanne Tobey recommends the following:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Some little kids are way into drawing; others really like letters and/or numbers," says Stefanie, Mom of three. "You should always let your child's interest level be your guide. There's no reason to rush kids into learning something they aren't ready to learn. My daughter is pre-reading, but that's only because she loves looking at letters and learning their sounds. She has no interest in learning to pick up after herself, however."
Other Moms say:
Health & Safety
Q: I worry that my son has ADHD. What should I do?
A: If your child fidgets a lot, has trouble sitting still, daydreams frequently or is easily distracted, he could have ADHD (otherwise known as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). But then again, you probably exhibit those same symptoms on a daily basis yourself (most busy Moms do)! According to the National Institute of Mental Health, just 3 to 5 percent of kids actually have ADHD--a surprisingly low percentage, considering how often it seems to be diagnosed. (FYI: Contrary to popular belief, ADHD isn't a byproduct of the Information Age: It was first identified way back in 1845!)
The pediatrician says:
"Talk to your pediatrician. There are simple questionnaires you can fill out to see if there are symptoms of ADHD going on. Child psychologists can sometimes help with this, too, and if meds are needed, child psychiatrists are the folks to consult. (There are many choices of meds these days beyond Ritalin.) Keep in mind that if your child is doing fine in school and just shows signs of inattention or overactivity at home, ADHD is the wrong diagnosis to explore: True ADHD interferes with learning and school. If your child is having trouble learning, his school owes it to him--and you--to help sort out what's going on. Push them to test your kid!"
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
For more information, check out these websites:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Talk to your pediatrician before self-diagnosing the problem," advises Julie, Mom of two. "I was worried about this with my own son, but the doctor said he's just 'spirited.'"
Other Moms say:
Q: My first grader hasn't lost a tooth yet. Should I be worried?
A: Champing at the bit to play tooth fairy, are we? Too bad your kid's teeth aren't cooperating!
The doctor says:
"Don't worry...yet. Most children will have lost their first tooth by the end of first grade. That said, I recommend that every school-age child see a dentist every six months for regular followups. The dentist can help monitor for cavities, poor formation of enamel (the hard protective tooth covering) or growth problems that can cause lifelong trouble for children."
--Dr. Rachel Franklin, Mom of twins, Associate Professor of Family Medicine and author of "Expecting Twins, Triplets and More: a Doctor's Guide to a Healthy and Happy Multiple Pregnancy"
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My son hasn't lost a tooth either, and he's in first grade," says Julie, Mom of two. "Our dentist said this isn't a problem. In fact, he said that the later you lose baby teeth, the better it is for your adult teeth."
Other Moms say:
Q: My son is a bed-wetter. Is he sick?
A: To a child, the worst thing about bedwetting isn't sleeping in wet, smelly sheets--it's the fear of being found out and ridiculed (or punished). Sleep-overs especially become something to dread, which is sad because they're one of the great joys of childhood!
The pediatrician says:
"This is a tough question to answer without knowing whether the child has ever been dry at night. Assuming the answer's no (which is the most common situation), it sounds like a simple case of 'nocturnal enuresis'--nighttime bedwetting caused by an immature urinary system. It's very normal in kids; in fact, 23 percent of 5-year-olds and 20 percent of 7-year-olds wet their beds on occasion. It's usually not caused by illness, but in rare cases it can indicate a plumbing problem in the urinary tract (such as a low-grade urinary infection), so you should take your child to a pediatric urologist. He or she will do some very simple outpatient tests and X-rays to make sure the bedwetting isn't the result of a medical issue."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
Coping with bedwetting
Check out these websites for more info:
Eating & Sleeping
Q: My daughter is chubby. How do I teach her better eating habits?
A: "Chubby" kids this age often aren't overweight--they're undertall. In other words, your daughter may experience a growth spurt in the next few years, shooting up several inches in height and becoming a relatively svelte teen. Still, this is a golden opportunity to begin teaching her positive lifelong lessons about food, exercise, and how important it is that she love her own body.
The dietician says:
"The best way to teach is by example! Show your daughter that moderation, variety, and balance are key. To help her understand the importance of eating well, get her involved in meal planning and preparation, and take her food shopping, too. Teach her to eat only when she's hungry, and help her identify the signs of hunger (i.e., grouchiness or a rumbling tummy). Tell her that her hunger should determine when and how much she eats--not the clock or the size of the plate. Also, get her moving!"
--Debi Silber, RD, Whole Health Coach and author of "The Lifestyle Fitness Program: A Six Part Plan So EVERY Mom Can Look, Feel and Live Her Best"
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"With kids this age, you pretty much have complete control over what they eat," says Julie, Mom of two. "Your daughter isn't old enough to drive to McDonald's, so don't you take her there, either! Similarly, I would start making your daughter's lunch every day. I'm disturbed by the fattening foods they serve in my son's school cafeteria!"
Other Moms say:
Q: How much sleep should my grade-schooler get?
A: Children do need more sleep than adults (their bones, muscles, skin, and brains require lots of rest in order to grow!). The good news about big kids? They're more likely to take the guesswork out of it by flat-out telling you, "Mom, I'm sleepy."
The sleep expert says:
"Children between the ages of 5 and 8 need approximately 10-12 hours of sleep at night. You'll know your child's getting enough sleep when he or she is generally in a good mood during the day, shows good physical coordination, and is alert while learning and playing."
--Jill Spivack, MSW, is a psychotherapist and co-founder of Sleepy Planet, where she provides pediatric sleep consultations, leads general parenting groups for first and second time mothers
Mom•Logic Moms say
"It really bothers me when I see kids up and running around at 11 p.m.," says Krista, Mom of two. "I put my kids to bed at 8:30 sharp every night. Regular sleep is so important for health!"
Other Moms say:
Behavior
Q: My kid is being bullied. What should I do?
A: It's every Mom's nightmare: Your kid comes home with a fat lip, a tear-stained face, and a horror story about being pushed around regularly by a kid twice his size. But it's tricky: If you handle it the wrong way, you could actually make things worse for your kid at school. (Children have a twisted "code of honor" that makes parental involvement in cases like this practically verboten. You know, because you saw it in A Christmas Story.)
The safety expert says:
"Don't overreact, but do take action. Coping with bullying can be difficult, but your child has the right to feel safe and secure."
--Ross Ellis, founder and Chief Executive Officer of Love Our Children USA
Tips for your child
Ross Ellis suggests that he or she try the following defense tactics:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Schools now have counselors and systems designed to deal with this very problem," says Pam, Mom of three. "They'll take a more professional, calm, objective approach. Tell them you're not going to tolerate this, and they shouldn't, either. Let them call the bully's parents. If you do it yourself, things might escalate!"
Other Moms say:
Q: My son is addicted to video games! How can I set limits that work?
A: He was so excited when he opened that Nintendo box on Christmas morning, he almost "Wii-d" himself. You felt like it was the best several-hundred-bucks you'd ever spent! But now he practically lives in front of the TV, and you think: "I've created a monster--a monster who totally kicks ass at Guitar Hero, but a monster nonetheless." What to do?
The parenting expert says:
"It's not difficult to set limits, but of course your child is going to be upset when you follow through. Empathize that and let him feel his feelings; don't try to argue him out of them. Also, if your child has a video-game obsession, chances are you contributed to it, and you should acknowledge that (even if just to yourself). Lots of parents have admitted to me that they've plunked their children down in front of the TV when it was convenient for them--whether they did it to keep siblings from fighting, keep a mischievous kid zombified, or just keep their kids out of their hair for a while so they could get something done. It makes you wonder how parents coped from the dawn of history until about 50 years ago. Well, I'll tell you how: They let their kids entertain themselves!"
--Noel Janis-Norton, founder and director of The New Learning Centre in London, is a learning and behavior specialist with over 30 years' experience in Britain and the United States
To wean your child from video games...
Janis-Norton suggests that you try these techniques:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
Other Moms say:
Q: I hate my kid's best friend. How do I deal?
A: Children may be pure and innocent and sweet when they're born, but as they grow up they tend to reflect their parents' attitudes. Which means that some of them can be real a**holes--er, little terrors. (It's true!)
The therapist says:
"'Hate' is a strong word to use on such a young child. Before taking action to limit the friendship, you should first ask yourself what it is about this child that bothers you so much. If your negative feelings really have nothing to do with the friend or your child, you might just want to leave it alone and find another way to work out the issue--one that won't impact their friendship. (That friend is making your kid very happy!) That said, you might have a good reason to dislike the child. While it's fun watching our little ones establish their own friendships, not all of them are going to be ones we approve of! When that occurs, you don't need to encourage the relationship. Just because your child has determined that this person will be his or her best friend, it doesn't mean that you must support the bond if you feel it isn't right."
--Rosanne Tobey, LPC, is a New Jersey-based therapist who specializes in individual, couples and family therapy.
What to do
Rosanne Tobey advises the following:
Mom•Logic Moms say
"If the friend is harming your child or influencing your kid do bad things--like dropping the F-bomb, shoplifting candy, or skipping school--that's one thing," says Rachel, Mom of three. "But if it's just his personality and nothing is truly wrong with the best friend, let them hang out."
Other Moms say:
Q: My son likes to "play doctor" with a neighborhood girl. Is this okay?
A: Sadly, "playing doctor" rarely involves a child pretending to have a successful career as a brain surgeon. (Sigh.) And this is one time you really don't want your child to "practice."
The pediatrician says:
"'Playing doctor' is very normal for kids this age--they're very interested in their own bodies and want to know if other kids have similar parts. Comparing body parts is part of how kids normalize who they are and obtain a gender identity. Children this age are particularly interested in the opposite gender, because they know the parts they have but are curious to see what their friends have."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe, MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
The best way to address a child's healthy curiosity:
"Very calmly and matter-of-factly, explain that private parts are private and that it is not socially appropriate to show them in public," says Dr. O'Keeffe. "Then use age-appropriate books to help your child understand gender differences a bit better."
One book we like for kids this age
Amazing You: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts, by Gail Saltz. Check it out at Amazon
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"I looked out my kitchen window one day to see my 6-year-old daughter and the little neighbor boy standing there with their pants down, studying each other's genitals," says Jeannie, Mom of two. "I totally panicked, but as I rushed outside to stop them, all I could think was, 'Don't warp her mind. Don't warp her mind.' My solution was to pretend nothing unusual had occurred at all. I greeted them with a smile, pulled up their pants without comment, and told the little boy in a bright voice, 'Tommy, your Mom says it's time to come home.' Whew!"
Other Moms say:
Q: It takes my daughter so long to do her homework. How can I motivate her?
A: It's so heartbreaking to open a child's bedroom door at night and find that she's fallen asleep with her face in a schoolbook. What will happen when her classes get harder? Something's got to give!
The parenting expert says:
"This isn't necessarily a motivation issue. There's a reason your daughter is struggling--something about the work is difficult; she got too late of a start, so she's tired; her blood sugar is low.... Whatever the issue is, don't get sucked into helping her do it! That's the worst thing you could do, because it could turn homework into an attention-seeking tool."
--Noel Janis-Norton, founder and director of The New Learning Centre in London, is a learning and behavior specialist with over 30 years' experience in Britain and the United States.
What to do
Janis-Norton advises the following:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"After spending some time being poky with homework, kids figure out that if they get done, they can go outside and play," says Krista, Mom of 2. "They figure out that it's their time that they're wasting. Eventually they 'get it.'"
Other Moms say:
Health & Safety
A: Sudden infant death syndrome--the term used when a baby dies unexpectedly, with no explanation--is rare, but it's still the leading cause of death among infants one month to one year of age. Though tons of research has been done, no one has been able to determine exactly why SIDS occurs, and there are no identifiable warning signs or symptoms. No wonder it's so scary!
The pediatrician says:
"There's a strong correlation between SIDS and sleep position. Since 1992, when the National Institutes of Health initiated the 'Back to Sleep' campaign (which advocates putting babies on their backs or sides to sleep, even for naps), incidences of SIDS have dropped 40 percent in the United States. An annoying side effect of having babies sleep on their backs is that their heads kind of flatten out; you can avoid that by alternating which side of the crib you place your baby's head on each night, and by practicing 'tummy time' when the baby is awake and supervised."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
More Steps You Can Take
"As parents, the best we can do is to control what we can and not become too paralyzed by the 'what ifs,'" Dr. O'Keeffe says. To further minimize the risk of SIDS, she recommends the following:
Also, Dr. O'Keeffe notes that anything that boosts your baby's overall health will reduce his or her SIDS risk. So:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
Julie, Mom of two, says that stuffed animals and comforters can overheat your baby and pose a suffocation risk. Keep them out of the crib.
Other Moms say:
Q: Can I prevent autism? How do I know if my baby has it?
A: Autism--a developmental disorder that impairs a child's ability to interact socially--is genetic, so there's no known way to prevent or cure it. But many of the symptoms can be improved with therapy, so the earlier it's diagnosed, the better. (FYI, boys are four times more likely to have it than girls.)
The pediatrician says:
"The American Academy of Pediatrics recently came out with some screening guidelines that are really helpful and focus on language and communication. Worried parents should talk to their pediatricians as early as they have concerns."
--Dr. Gwenn Schurgin O'Keeffe MD, FAAP, is the CEO and Chief Editor of Pediatrics Now
According to Dr. O'Keeffe, early signs that an infant or toddler may have autism include:
For more information, check out these links:
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"I was worried my son had autism after he got his MMR vaccine at 18 months," says Debbie, Mom of three. "He just didn't have the same 'spark' in his eyes and wasn't hitting his milestones as frequently. We saw a specialist and luckily were able to get some early intervention. No one knows your child like you do. Be on the lookout for warning signs, and if you suspect something is wrong, see your pediatrician. If your pediatrician brushes off your concerns, see someone else."
Other Moms say:
Q: What is cradle cap?
A: It sounds like something adorable that your grandma might knit but unfortunately, the reality is far from cute.
The doctor says:
"Cradle cap is a condition called 'seborrhea,' which is similar to dandruff. It usually goes away on its own by the time baby is six months old. Initial treatment includes gentle shampooing every day with a soft washcloth and baby shampoo or dandruff shampoo. Applying mineral oil to the scalp can soften the crusty stuff and help you remove it. If the area is large or doesn't respond to treatment, see your doctor about it."
--Dr. Rachel Franklin, Mom of twins, Associate Professor of Family Medicine, and author of "Expecting Twins, Triplets and More: a Doctor's Guide to a Healthy and Happy Multiple Pregnancy"
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"My daughter had this forever," says Julie, Mom of two. "It's a gross scaly substance all over the child's head--a really hard crust. I was told that the only thing that removes it is baby oil."
Other Moms say:
Q: Can I give my child medicine to help him sleep on a plane?
A: Is there anything worse than being seated next to a screaming kid on a six-hour flight? Yes: Being that kid's mom--and enduring the stink-eye glares of other passengers. Where's that drink cart when you need it?
The doctor says:
"For the longest time, we docs made off-the-cuff suggestions for tricks to try--including giving children diphenhydramine (sold as Benadryl) and other medicines (and even herbs) known to cause drowsiness. Can't do it anymore: The FDA has made strong recommendations that we try to avoid using medicines for any child under 6 months old, and to use these medicines with extreme caution for children under 2 years old. They were never tested in babies, and there have been some reports of serious harm done to little ones by these drugs."
--Dr. Rachel Franklin, Mom of twins, Associate Professor of Family Medicine, and author of "Expecting Twins, Triplets and More: a Doctor's Guide to a Healthy and Happy Multiple Pregnancy"
What do to instead:
Dr. Franklin recommends feeding the baby on the plane just before and during take-off and landing (even you breast-feeding moms!). "It helps keep their ears from clogging up (which is what usually causes the screaming), and prepares them for an in-flight nap," she says.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
Go ahead and try Benadryl--but do a test run before you travel.
"My friend once gave her daughter Benadryl before a flight," says Julie, Mom of two. "Instead of making the little girl sleepy, it had the opposite effect: At 2 a.m., she was standing in her plane seat on a redeye screaming, 'Wake up, everybody!' Total nightmare!"
Other Moms say:
Eating & Sleeping
Q: How long can I refrigerate and/or freeze breast milk?
A: If your child is old enough to drive, you've kept it too long.
The dietician says:
"Within four hours of pumping breast milk, refrigerate or freeze it ASAP. It's fine for up to eight days when kept between 32 and 39 degrees Fahrenheit. Frozen breast milk can last between three and six months, depending on freezer temperature."
--Debi Silber, RD, Whole Health Coach and the author of "The Lifestyle Fitness Program: A Six Part Plan So EVERY Mom Can Look, Feel and Live Her Best"
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Once the baby touches the nipple, he or she has got to finish the milk in the bottle within two hours," says Rachel, Mom of three. "So don't ever pour in too much. Breast milk is golden!"
Other Moms say:
Q: How much sleep does my child need?
A: Quick answer: Not as much as you wish she needed (especially between midnight and 6 a.m.)!
The sleep expert says:
"Children's sleep needs vary considerably between birth and age 4 months--it just depends on the baby. For children between 4 and 8 months of age, the average nighttime need is 11 to 12 hours; they also need three to four hours of sleep in the daytime, made up in three naps per day. Children between 8 and 12 months of age still need 11 to 12 hours at night, but they don't require quite as much sleep in the daytime--just two to three hours, typically made up in two naps."
--Jill Spivack, MSW, is a psychotherapist and co-founder of Sleepy Planet, where she provides pediatric sleep consultations, leads general parenting groups for first and second time mothers.
Mom•Logic Moms say:
"Every baby is different, but they all need a lot of sleep," says Stefanie, Mom of three. "If your baby shows signs that she's tired--if she's cranky or keeps rubbing her face--put her down. There's no such thing as a baby who 'just doesn't need a lot of sleep.' But in the beginning there will be no set pattern, so just let your baby be your guide."
Other Moms say:
Q: Are plastic bottles safe for my baby?
A: Clear plastic bottles contain a chemical compound called bisphenol-A, otherwise known as BPA. Rumor has it that BPA could cause health problems ranging from brain and behavioral disorders to cancer--but the FDA says it's safe. What to do?
The doctor says:
"There's currently little scientific data and lots of consumer concern regarding BPA in baby bottles. BPA is found in many plastic products, including the water bottles from which many of us drink. The FDA has said they believe the compound as it appears in bottles is safe, but they are looking into it further. Meanwhile, the risk of infection from poor sterilization, broken glass bottles and/or of choking on brittle, broken nipples is much greater than the risk of BPAs as we currently understand them."
-- Dr. Rachel Franklin, mom of twins, Associate Professor of Family Medicine and author of "Expecting Twins, Triplets and More: a Doctor's Guide to a Healthy and Happy Multiple Pregnancy"
To lower your child's exposure to BPA's:
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