A Momologue by Jackie: Once again I've learned to never say never.

"Just four short years ago, a friend of mine told me she was minivan shopping. 'Do NOT become one of those moms!' I half-jokingly argued with her.

Fast forward three years later. There I sat, along with my husband and two boys under two, signing the paperwork for our brand-spankin’-new, silver Honda Odyssey Touring model. It's been exactly one year that I've been driving the "Hotyssey," as I so lovingly refer to it because, in it, I am the hottest mom out there. I have to skip the hairspray because I. am. just. so. on. fire. Keep Reading...

Mom•Logic friend Beth at rolemommy.com writes about the how kids' illnesses always occur at the worst possible time.

Beth's Momologue: "Can someone please explain to me the sick joke that someone upstairs has just paid on me as I prepare for a major event, I am two days away from lift-off, and both of my kids come down with strep! They've never even had strep before— but of course, today, as I had planned to tie up loose ends, my son woke up with a strange rash, and my daughter, who seemed perfectly fine when I joined her on a school trip, then proceeded to tell me she was feeling dizzy and tired and her... Keep Reading...

...at least we hope she is.

Andrea's Momologue: "My husband says the very second we came from the hospital with our newborn daughter I burst into inconsolable tears.“ How are we going afford to send her to college?” I sobbed.

(Funny, I don’t recall that incident, but since my husband wasn’t the one who had just gone through 10 hours of unproductive labor and a cesarean followed by engorged breasts as big as his head, I guess I'm gonna have to take his word for it.)

So, as my baby nears her second birthday, I’m starting to get nervous. And nobody’s helping. If I have to hear one more person ask if we’ve started a college fund, I’m going to personally enroll in a self-defense class and kick their ass. Keep Reading...

Why are we in competition with the one we love?

A Momologue by Jackie:  "He woke up with the kids at 7 a.m. on Saturday morning. He changed their diapers, brought them down for a breakfast of waffles and applesauce, and got them dressed. I was able to sleep until 8 a.m. which, as a parent, is like noon before kids.

As I came down the stairs, the first thing I noticed was the sticky high chair tray. Dirty plates and cups on the counter flashed at me like a broken traffic light. There was a puddle of milk on the floor seeping into the grout between the tiles. Pieces of chewed-up waffle were wedged into the side of the booster seat. The kids were dressed in outfits that made it clear Garanimals were a genius idea that really needs to be brought back. It was a beautiful, sunny day outside, with temps making their way up to the reported high of 75 degrees. So why were my boys wearing fleece-lined pants and sweatshirts? Keep Reading...

The top 10 really, really, bad toys and a few not-so-good ones.

The World Against Toys Causing Harm (WATCH) has released its list of the worst toys of 2007. Toys make the list because they all are potential hazardous to children. Here are a few that made it: Go Diego Go Animal Rescue Boat (lead-painted boat), Sticky Stones (Two things that DON’T go together) and of course Aqua Dots, right up there with lawn darts.

WATCH isn’t kidding around, these toys are the worst of the worst. But here at Mom•Logic we wonder which toys are bad, not because they’re unsafe, but just because they’re kinda sucky.

Here’s our Top 5:

Furby: The perfect toy if you want your kids hanging out with a creepy talking gremlin.

Thumb Wrestling Ring: Each player inserts their thumbs through opposite corner holes and the fight begins – about as useful as a Rock Paper Scissors instant replay.

Keep Reading...

Every Mom's worst nightmare: A criminal escaped near my son's school.

Julie's Momologue: "This week at work, I got a call that my 6-year-old son's elementary school was in "lockdown" mode. I wasn't even sure what that meant, but it didn't sound good. My heart lurched, and sheer panic set in. What was happening? Was my baby okay? It turned out that an alleged carjacker had abandoned his stolen vehicle a half block from the school, and had escaped on foot. Since he was still on the loose, they put the school in lockdown mode. All the students had to get under their desks, and the lights went out. Classroom doors were locked. A message sounded over the PA system Keep Reading...

Editor's Note: When This Woman wrote us a few days ago, her post infuriated us. After we all calmed down, we decided to post it. We're open-minded like that. The title for this new post, which she sent yesterday, was originally “My Shopping Trip During the Holidays,” but we again took a bit of editorial license and changed it. We're not much for calling other women the B-word, but with her, it seems like the right thing to do. Check it out and tell us if you agree.

It’s Black Friday and guess who will not be stepping into a mall today? Me!

That’s right, us single, childless gals are rockin’ a hangover from a kick-ass post-Thanksgiving party (how was yours?) and will gladly give this bizarre American middle class holiday to you. You can meet at Wal-Mart at 4 in the morning. I am more than happy to let you have the quesadilla maker at 20% off. My gift to you.

But for all the other days I will be in a mall or super-chain megastore, I think it’s important to address the mother/child shopping etiquette that needs to take place this holiday season.

First and foremost, leave your child at home!

Shopping is intended to be an enjoyable activity. Why would you want to ruin this experience for yourself, the loved one you’ve dragged along and – oh, did I mention, every other human being trying to simply buy a gift card?! Keep Reading...

Mom•Logic friend Karyn Bryant's Momologue about why it's sometimes easier to use baby talk to get a point across.

"We may have said that we’d never do it, but we all do. Sometimes we do it to our husbands, sometimes to friends and family and sometimes, like I did today, we do it to total strangers in the grocery store. And it feels good: It’s effective, albeit slightly obnoxious, and it usually gets your message across. Well, I’m coming clean. I admit it: I use my baby as a conversation proxy.

All Mom-tested, Mom•Logic approved.

1. "How ‘bout that World War I?"
The elderly love talking about the past, even if sometimes they can’t remember it.

2. "I bet you're really good at lawn bowling."
People love to talk about their hobbies, especially when the hobby is also pretty much their job.

3. "How's your hip?"
Hip health is hot with the older set.

4. "Can you believe the price of Efferdent?"
Or any other stereotypical senior citizen’s product.

5. "Love your pantsuit! Is that polyester?"
Also a winner, “Is your hair a new tint of blue?”

All Mom-tested, Mom•Logic approved.

1. Be realistic: If you have to have a formal meal, don't expect the little ones to sit for the long haul.

2. Dress 'em down: Don’t spend a fortune dressing your kids all frou frou and not expect them to get a little messy. Cranberry sauce doesn’t complement any outfit.

3. The kids' table was invented for a reason. Maybe it's time to cut the apron strings and let them enjoy the holiday their way (which may include blowing mashed potatoes out their noses).

4. Set goals: Make the meal a competition to see who can eat without getting dirty. The winner gets to NOT have to give crazy Aunt Dotty a kiss goodbye.

5. Wine goggles! Kids tend to act better when mommy's got a little buzz on.
(Or, depending on how many glasses you have they sure seem to act better.)